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Thinking about “the surgery”

My Grandmother told me today that I should think long and hard about going to the clinic in Montreal. When I told her I had, she asked me to think about it some more.

I have been serious thinking about it for 6 years, for about 6 years prior to that while I was horribly misinformed about what being trans was all about I was thinking about it, for about 6 years of puberty wishing I was going threw the other puberty, during the 3 or 4 years prior thinking I new what sex was, and 5 or 6 years prior to me knowing what being a gender or maybe even what sex really was I thought about it. So I have been thinking about it for 26 to 28 years of my 30 almost 31 years of my life. These last several months I have been thinking about it really hard as Montreal and Sask Health have been making me jump through so many hops, with a ball on my nose, while I am juggling, and doing back flips.

I will admit that about 3 years ago I thought I may actually be non binary and surgery was not going to be necessary, because of this I put things on hold looking back I wish I did not, at the same time I am glad I did because if I did I would have never met Dr. Sara and learnt all the things that I have trying to understand how the system works. Because of all the these things I learned so much about the system, enough to be recognized as an expert in trans health care in many different places in Canada.

So yes I have thought about it for a long time, and I have what feels like long time yet to think about it before it happens, I will admit there is so much I do not know and so much I can never know that I would do almost anything to learn about. There are so many experiences I will never have as one of the cis but could I have them if I avoided the surgeries I want?