Privilege

I was sexually harassed recently so I was looking for a trans specific resource, I found very few valid resources or shared experiences. I think that needs to change, so I am going to write about some of my experiences.

After I had a few hours of sleep I woke up realizing I never really had cis privilege, as I wanted to mention cis privilege to a few people. This got me thinking about how to mention cis privilege. Thinking off times when I believed I had this privilege, the harder and harder I thought I realized I never really had it. I always wanted to be a girl, I struggled with this so much. I remember times as early as early elementary school wanting to be with the girls.

When I was younger and I saw women starting to develop, I so wanted to develop to. I could tell you a 100s of different stories about the troubles I had while I was in elementary, but I will save you from that and only tell you one.

During the summer between grade 7 and grade 8 I was in a car accident, when I was coming back to school there was some stuff done so that I could be mobile and accomplish the stuff I needed to succeed. I was going to have difficulties in one of the washrooms, my father made the suggestion that the doors be changed as they where both single stall washrooms. I was in grade 8 so I knew nothing, in the grand scheme of things, I was so pumped that maybe I could use the "girls" washroom. The principle quickly kiboshed that idea.

When I started going through my first puberty I started getting erections, this is not uncommon in young boys, mine however where from extreme anxiety for the most part. I would later learn how to redefine that anxiety, but that is a different story. I learnt that if I masturbated they would go away, so I started doing that. I got to a point where masturbation was a tool for me to deal with all the different types of anxiety, I thought the anxiety was just something men went through so I embraced it.

As I got further down the rat hole that was my first puberty I realized that this one type of anxiety was me needing to be a woman. I thought this feeling made me gay, and I really did not want to be gay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a homosexual, I just did not want to be one. I tried meeting women, as I wanted to F word the gay out of me. I was not successful at this, while I was in grade 12 there was this woman who was really into me. There where many women in high school who liked me and I liked them as people not people who have intimate feelings, it was a bazaar experience. If any of them have found my blog and is reading this post I hope I did not drag them along or hurt them in any way.

In university I had some sexual experiences, that I may have discussed previously. There was a few different women who where into me. I liked these women as friends and because of my previous sexual experiences I was really not into them sexually. If any of them have found my blog and are reading this post I hope I did not drag you along or hurt you in any way.

You can read my story of how I figured my trans-ness out here! This is just me discussing how I never knew cis privilege.

I considered that I may of had masculine privilege, but thinking of my lack of cis privilege could also be used to describe my masculine privilege.

I could write about my white privilege, however that is something I will never understand. I have white privilege, I try to watch or check my white privilege, but I will never be able to see what white privilege means. I could mention that like I will never know my white privilege, just as cis people will never know there cis privilege.